Monday, August 24, 2009

Sticks to your ribs

I still ate it.


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Pan(cake)'s Labyrinth

Up one Sunday after a night of heavy drinking I decided it would be nice to make pancakes from scratch. I soon realized that I had none of the proper ingredients, but feeling ambitious I decided to substitute. No flour, instead cornmeal, no sugar but plenty of packets of artificial sweeteners! I mixed in an egg or two and a cup of milk and created what looked like pancake batter ( they would just taste a little like cornbread). Once on the frying pan the cornmeal lumped to the middle and the artificial sweetener mixed with egg bubbled around it and started smoking. Solidified it looked like a fried egg... a cakey dry cornmeal circle surrounded by a clear, frighteningly plastic like substance with bits of cooked egg in it. It smelled like someone had covered a corn muffin in glue and lit it on fire.

I still ate it.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


So I'm packing up after a long weekend at the beach. I see a Fig Newton wrapper at the bottom of my bag. I ate half of the Fig Newton on the train ride to the island but forgot about the other half until now. The Newton is ridiculously smooshed and has been sitting in my bag (which has been on the floor) all weekend. Our beach house has ants and Matt saw a mouse one morning.

I still ate it.

Monday, August 10, 2009

They just washed these steps last week, I'm sure it's fine...

Bought a slice of cheese pizza en route to the subway and had it in a paper bag that was poorly closed. While running down the stairs the slice fell out of the bag and onto the subway stairs, cheese-side down. Only one other person, an elderly Polish lady, saw this take place, so... I still ate it.

I gently wiped it off and ran to the other side of the platform thinking I could eat it in peace and only she would know. A few moments later she walked by shaking her head at me and glowering and then went to her friends standing nearby and told them what had transpired. They all watched me eat my shameful, dirty pizza while talking about me in horrified, heavily accented English.


It's A Nail-Biter, Folks!

A few months ago my roommate made a huge pot of turkey chili, while eating it she bit down on something hard. When she pulled it out of her mouth and examined it we found it to be a toenail.

We still ate it.

~Donna D.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

We have a winner in the drunken-still-ate-it category, I think

Quite drunk, because it is after all a Tuesday, I realize I skipped dinner and am starving. I take some dollar-store dumplings out of the freezer, defrost them, throw them in a pan to fry...

And fall asleep.

Awake to smoke, flames, and the sound of breaking glass from the firemen climbing in my apartment. They liberally douse the kitchen, including my always sad and now almost tragic dumplings.

After my brush with death and serious lecture from New York's Bravest, I am slightly less drunk but even more famished.

I still ate it.


Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Umm, I don't think that's oregano...

After a night of boozing at the Jersey shore, I opened the previous night's pizza box in hopes of leftovers. To my hungover joy, there was one slice left—I took a bite only to realize that the box (with the leftover pizza inside) was used as an ashtray!

I still ate it...


Shoulda ordered a Jack n Coke

Grabbed a slice from the pizzeria next to my local bar with my last $2 in cash. Put the slice down on the bar and promptly spilled my Stoli Raspberry and 7 all over it. The bartender, to be funny, picked up the lime from the drink and squeezed it on top.

I still ate it.

This mate's askin' for it...

This guy. On a pizza.

I still ate it.

Monday, August 3, 2009

40 percent of all San Loco tacos are actually eaten this way

My friend and I stopped by San Loco to load up on guaco tacos after a heavy night of drinking. We bought about $27 dollars worth. Not suprisingly we didn't finish them all so I stuffed 2 into my oversized cargo pants pocket. The next morning I woke up hungover in my clothes, remembered the leftover taco in my pocket which by this point had been severly mashed during the night. It was body temperature warm, and slightly gross, but I didn't care. I needed something in my stomach.

I still ate it.

~Andy Pants

It would've been rude to not eat at this meeting, you have to understand.

I was running late for a lunch meeting and in a rush I went to grab my lunch out of the communal refrigerator. When I made it to the conference room I noticed it wasn't my lunch—and the bread was a bit moldy.

I still ate it.


Go away kid, ya bug me...

I always woke up just long enough in the morning to give my 8-year-old son breakfast and get him on the school bus. One day he began complaining that there were ants in the cereal. I did not have my glasses on and insisted that there were not. Later in the week I had a bowl of the cereal and there was indeed a faint taste of ants—and the formic acid they exude, as the gardener next door explained.

I still ate it.

More sour cream, please...

Finally scored my friend’s famous 3-alarm chili recipe. My first time making it, I’m having trouble deciphering some of the handwriting but I think I’ve got it. Turns out I did have the jalapeno, Tabasco, and chili powder amounts right but those two tablespoons of cayenne I put in? Supposed to be teaspoons.

I still ate it.

So a-peel-ing

I opened a box from a publicist that had been sitting on my desk for weeks. Inside were candied orange peels. I was hungry and I love sugar but they felt more than a little hard and stale.

I still ate it.