Friday, July 31, 2009

Hands are the original forks

I ordered ooey, gooey mac 'n cheese from Chat 'n Chew but didn't get to eat it because my friend puked outside on the sidewalk. I took it to go, got onto a NJ transit train and realized I was drunk, starving and had no utensils of any sort.

I still ate it.

How could you resist?

I had been a vegetarian for 6 1/2 years, and was traveling in Peru. I'd heard that guinea pig was a local delicacy. Looked kind of gross, and it'd been a long time since I'd eaten meat. He still had teeth in his mouth, and a couple of hairs on his body, but... I still ate it.


Perhaps a little moldy cheese on top?

A coworker came to the office with a bunch of snacks from a trip. I’d avoided the Parmesan-sesame crackers, which someone said tasted rancid, until I was working late one night and got hungry. I took a small bite of one of the crackers: Yup, definitely rancid.

I still ate it.

And then I ate the rest of the bag.


King Me

I drove through a Burger King once, was starving, and psyched about my onion rings. I had to hit the brakes hard, the bag flew onto the floor of the car. I scooped them up as fast as I could. They most likely had the scum of the earth on them.

I still ate it.


Thursday, July 30, 2009

It was caviar... in a tube

I still ate it.

It's hard out here for a moth

I made pancakes fried in a pan caked with burnt suicidal moths over a campfire and flipped with a dirty hatchet because we forgot a spatula.

I still ate it.



I brought pasta to work one day and wanted to put Parmesan cheese on it. I searched the depths of the refrigerator for a leftover delivery-pizza carton... Success! I found one in the darkest corner of one of the produce drawers. I dumped its contents on my pasta and mixed it all together, but was shocked at first bite when I realized it was actually garlic powder.

As my company doesn’t pay me too much and I was trying to be good by bringing my lunch that day... I still ate it. (And didn’t talk to anyone the rest of the day.)

~Jenny Lamb

New Year's Heave

New year's eve, drunk as can be, I purchased a package of sliced ham and cheese from a 24-hour 7-Eleven. After opening it, even in my drunken state I could tell that it was oddly slimy. I checked the expiration date and it was November 1st.

I still ate it.


Late bird gets the worms

I was in the middle of packing to move. It was well after midnight and I was starving but I had no food in the house except one last container of microwave Kraft mac & cheese. I opened the container and added water to the fill line. As I stirred the noodles and water, several little food worms floated to the surface, like the kind you see in flour or oatmeal.

I still ate it.

~Lisa Gay

Double dawg dare ya

At a street fair in Brooklyn, there was cotton candy in a public garbage can. A friend of mine who used to work in a restaurant with me, mocking my long history of garbage-mouthing, pointed at it and said "you'd probably eat that." It was public garbage and I don't like cotton candy.

I still ate it.


Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Feeling Sluggish

Went out for Thai food on a summer night, sitting in the back garden. When I return from the bathroom 2 slugs have crawled from the vine-covered fence onto my Pad Thai. I freaked out, threw them and made a scene.

I still ate it.


Don't rain on my pancake

Sunday I'm riding my bike when it starts raining. I duck into a Chinese restaurant to wait it out. Order mu shu vegetable. Phone rings, I'm invited to a fancy dinner, I ask counter lady to make mu shu tu go. Stuff it into my backpack and pedal away. It rains again. My mu shu gets soaked. I take the Chinese food to work the next day, pull out the mu shu pancakes, which have stiffened to cardboard texture with brown edges where they got rained on. Co-worker says, "That looks like a dirty kleenex."

I still ate it.


That's Nuts!

Post three glasses of wine at Von, I was eating some mixed nuts with craisins on the couch and watching TV. Few hours later I’m getting ready for bed and I discover a sunflower seed and a craisin had fallen down my shirt and stuck to my boob.

I still ate it.

Now is that love?

Cleaned out my purse this morning... apparently hadn't done that in a while. Found a heart-shaped "You're hot" candy that must have been in there since Valentine's Day. It was gummy in a way it wasn't supposed to be, and stuck to the bottom of the bag.

I still ate it.

Lo mein and behold

Last night I found week-old lo mein in my fridge. I tasted it; it was gross. I threw it in the garbage. Fast-forward three hours. I am stoned. I wander into the kitchen and remember the week-old lo mein nestled in the trash. I take it out and inspect it. Still gross. Grosser, even.

I still ate it.

~from garbagemouth

Might choke Artie...

Last night I dropped some TGIFriday's microwavable spinach-artichoke dip onto my New York magazine crossword puzzle. It was good dip and I was only halfway done with the puzzle.

I still ate it.

Then I dropped the chip I was going to use to scoop it off the puzzle onto the floor.

I still ate it.

Milk Mishap

Poured myself some milk with a bowl of Special K and bananas this morning. Tasted kind of funny. Checked the date on the bottle; best by July 23.

I still ate it.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

I'll just pretend I didn't see that...

I bought a delicious-looking chocolate brownie from 7-11. I really wanted a brownie. It wasn't cheap. I believe it was even labeled: healthy! Or... natural! I returned to the office and took a bite. Then I saw it had mold all over the bottom.

I still ate it.

Not-so-fresh fruit

Company-meeting leftover fruit plate in the office kitchen.

I eyed the beat-up canteloupe and settled on a piece... It had some bruises and certain places were both darker and clearer than the rest.

I still ate it.